doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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