True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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