I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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