you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
