i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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