If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize