this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
