My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
