you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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