dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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