Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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