If i come over, it means nothing
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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