I murdered the dance floor call the cops
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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