im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
