i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
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Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
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I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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