Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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