im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
