considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
