Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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