I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
