Can i not drive my cunt home
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
