Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
