What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
