I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
