Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
