I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's blow job season.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
