Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
