So drunk, too bad you don't want this
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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