All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I would ride that face into the sunset