Your face is a jimmy john
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Dating After Heartbreak
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.