After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
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Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
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Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.