I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.