Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life