just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.