Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
