he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
