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If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Randomize
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