for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
