I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He felt like a one man threesome
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation