Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"