Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts