Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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