I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
