my sisters under your porch take her home
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
