I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
