It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
