neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
