Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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