My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
