fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
