I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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