my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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