Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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