I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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