why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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