Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
