I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
