so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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