if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Every concussion has its silver lining
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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