arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
