so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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