I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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