I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
