At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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