I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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