the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
