Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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