Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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