got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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