I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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