i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Randomize
