If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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