I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
