My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
