I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
