I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
