bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Barsexuality is the new black.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
