just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
