During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
