i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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