Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
