I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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