LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
