I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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