I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
