I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
