ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
