i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
