I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
