Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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