do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
