I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
