On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
