Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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