C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
