I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
