I showed him my bush... on skype.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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