Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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