I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
