His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
